Oh Honey Boo Boo, Yo Momma Smell Like Poo Poo

Side by side of Mama and Jabba the Hut... Mama the Hut!

I'd be lying if I said TLC's new reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo wasn't at the top of my MUST WATCH TRASH TV LIST. (Actual list to come) Let's be real, I think we were all pretty impressed to find out that Jabba the Hut is actually woman and has the ability to bear children. If you are at all confused by that comment, I am referring to Honey Boo Boo's mother, who for some quizzical reason both looks like and can't pronounce the name Jabba the Hut. I'm pretty sure learning your name is one of the first things they teach you in grammar school. Clearly when you grow up in a place that holds the "Redneck Olympics," that normality goes out the window. As well as the ability to hold in your gas, which according to Jabba, can drop you up to fifteen pounds. It seems to be working wonders for her brood. Now I know I just majorly word vommed a bunch of randomness, but if you've seen the show you know why. It's that good. Better than the first time watching Jersey Shore good. Though I know it's very hard to imagine anything funnier than alcoholics running around screwing and getting skin cancer, (harsh) you have to take my word for it, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is a gift from sweet baby Jesus in that manger. If you have low television standards like me and find yourself curled up on the couch with large pizza, beer, and a pint of ice watching re-runs of Flavor of Love, then this is the show for you. So basically this show follows six-year-old aspiring pageant queen Honey Boo Boo, whose human name is Alana, and her hick family as they live their day to day lives in rural Georgia. It is a spin-off of the every entertaining show Toddlers and Tiaras, which Alana appeared on. I don't want to ruin too much of the show (I know I have you interested now) by telling too much about what happens in each episode. Also, there isn't enough time in the world to discuss in detail all the amazing things that happen. Instead, I will share perhaps my favorite moment of the show so far. Sooooooo... after she lost a pageant, Honey Boo Boo's father Sugar Bear (They all have ridiculous nick-names including Chickadee and Chubby) went out and purchased her a miniature pig. He gave his daughter A FUCKING PIG! Then the pig befriended a spider that wrote messages in her web and... sorry, that's Charlotte's Web. Wrong pig. Unlike Charlotte's little Wilbur, Alana will be the first to tell you that her pig, whom she adoringly named Glitzy is no normal pig. He is a homosexual pig...that's right. This little girl outed her pig on national television. Marinate on that... let it simmer... now just watch this. I feel like that video does the rest of the speaking for me, so I think that is going to be it for this entry. This was my first blog post and I'm really excited to write on here. I don't know who's reading but if you are reading this, thanks for coming by and I'm going to try and make this blog as fun as possible. Feel free to shoot me messages about topics to comment on write about. Until we chat again!

~CaoCao